Anyone Else Make Bad Decisions?

It’s important to be straightforward from the get-go: I fudged up.

For the last two years I have slowly been accumulating that chubby, chubby fat onto my once-petite frame. It’s fiendish, the weight gain, especially when it happens to your own self. It sneaks up on you like a bandit, except, instead of taking anything from you, this bandit keeps pouring sand, ever so slowly, into your JanSport. It isn’t until you get home that you notice that some shithead has been pouring sand in your back pack.

Well, congratulations to me, I finally noticed.

I was walking through Ybor City in Tampa two weeks ago when I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of a local establishment. My first thought? B cups, nice. 

I looked at my reflection, crestfallen. Who was this person staring back at me? His body seemed to be built with an amalgam of nougat, Wavy Lays and Panda Express. I say ‘his’, but with that second-trimester belly, I’d be man enough to admit that I was wrong. In all honesty, the image before me was not unlike a shaved gorilla at the zoo who had finally given up all hope of freedom.

So, right then and there, I resolved to get in shape. After a slice of pizza.

I know a married couple who are online coaches for people wanting to make a change in their life. Because my self-efforts had yielded so little, I took the plunge and joined their group. Thus far, I am pleased to announce that I have already lost three pounds.

Here was my mistake: after a week and a half of successfully eating clean and working out, I decided that I would supplement my exercise with a pre-workout powder. Ideally, this supplement would help me power through my workouts in a more effective manner. Tonight was the first time I tried this product.

I took it at 8:00 p.m.

It is now 3:50 a.m.

I am not tired. At all. At all

At. All.

I’m supposed to get up in two hours so that I can go to work and mold the young minds of America’s youth.

I have a meeting with a disgruntled parent in three hours. Without the proper z’s, I’m going to lose this battle.

Here is the moral of this tale: If you ever feel like you have really messed things up in your life, like maybe you ruined your marriage or got fired for negligence, just remember that you are not alone; I lost a night of sleep.

Let us all press on.


I’m going to be an owl today.

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